My research on animal behaviour that I have done in the last couple of days has raised a lot of issues for me. Kind of along the lines of “nurture vs nature”. I haven’t been able to turn my thoughts off on it. Good or bad that is just how it is.
Since my head has been running nonstop I seem to have realized a few things. First, I am not smart enough or knowledgable enough to make the decision if instinct out ways societal standards. Second, the shame that I feel is a result of society. The reaction of society to abuse of any kind seems to have a clause in which the victim of abuse is partially blamed. We have all heard it and I have used the examples before so I won’t repeat them. This applies to all types of assault. The damage that these beliefs cause in victims is on going. I find myself at a point now where I am asking the question’s of if this is the way life is, if there is a way to avoid it and if we should. I don’t know what my answers will be.
One result of my ruminations is that in realizing that the shame I feel for being sexually and physically violated is based on societal programming I am going to actively work to erase it. I might have done things differently when they were occurring but in reality I did the best I could in that time and place.I still don’t have answers for the loss of my friend Grace and the victimization of so many others, but maybe I can get to place of peace. One way or another.