Sometimes life seems overwhelming. We all know the feeling, that one that where it seems like life has picked you up by the scruff of the neck and is shaking you around like a rag doll. I feel like that at times and lately it has been fairly ongoing.
I am going to ask you to stick with me here as I try to figure this out. I am realizing that my part of my problem is that I have squishy boundaries. Yes, squishy is a technical term. My boundary issues are improving as I now realize what they are, that I am allowed to have them, they don’t have to be solid steel and am actually building them. The problem is that they are squishy at times. If I care about you then my boundaries become jello. If you are in a bad place I feel responsible. If you hurt then I hurt right along with you.
Maybe it isn’t my boundaries. It is more emotional, I think.
Oh snap… It is the co-dependency. THAT is it. Ugh.
I have been having a hard time with trying to balance my life. Work, personal, family and me time. I have fantastic friends/sisters/brothers who are having difficulties and it cuts me to the bone that I can’t solve their problems or ease their suffering. I want to be there for all of them and give them everything that I have. I hate seeing people hurt in any way and I have to fix it. This is the tied to the buddhist belief that our suffering is tied to not accepting what is right now. Not to say that our life cannot improve in the future, but accepting the moment as it is.
So, that being said. I accept that I am only one person, that I have to give all aspects of my life time and attention, that I can not fix the pain of my loved ones, I deserve me time and that I am always doing my best. I may do better in the future, but in every moment I am doing my best.