I have a confession. I feel guilty when I listen to my inner voice. There I have said it. I know you are shocked and horrified. I figure since many of us feel this way I might as well talk about it.
This afternoon I am on the phone with my mother and she mentions that March 6th is the sixth anniversary of my brother’s death. I acknowledge it and remind her that I have the day off. Right there she is off and running. My mother starts on me how I should work the day and “save” my vacation day for something we want to do. Now please take a moment to look at that “we”. Not what I want to use my vacation days for but what she wants to use them for. My mother wants me to save my vacation to so I can take her back east to visit her family. Yes, they are mine too, but I see no reason why I have to use all of my vacation to see them. The road and planes go both ways. My family can come see me too. That isn’t what gets me mad though.
I take that day off because being around people outside of my family annoys me. I want to scream at anyone who asks me a silly question. That day is a day in which I know that I cannot deal with work. For my self-care I take that day off. To ensure that I have my sanity and a job to return to I take it off. It is about doing what is best for me. Working that day is not what is best for me.
The thing that annoys me is that while I am constantly told how important it is that I am around by both of my parents I feel that they say it because of what I provide for them. Not for being me. By telling me to save my vacation days my mother is showing complete disregard for my well-being.
I am thankful that I have reached the point where I listen to my voice on these matters. My first priority is to look out for my well-being. So now when anyone voices their opinion, and that is all that it is, I stop and listen to my voice. Is this what I want? Is this what is best for me? If they answer is no, then I respectfully thank them for their opinion and give them my decision. I mean it is my life and my vacation days after all.