I came across an interesting Google search. It was “why your therapist is not your friend”. This is totally tied, at least in my mind, to the idea of hugging your therapist. Let me float some of the reasons I see for not befriending your therapist.
1) Your therapist is supposed to be honest. Understanding, but honest. While they can think your great you need that detachment on their part.
2) Therapists are professionals. They can be subpoenaed. They submit notes on you to your insurance company and work with your other physicians. If you think of your therapist as your friend, saw your medical files and were stunned by what was in them how would you react? Would you be able to separate your friend from the professional?
3) Looking at the relationship with my therapist as professional allows me to not take what he says personally. I know he is doing his job, which I pay for, and that is what I want. I’m not saying that it is all sunshine and light. It isn’t, but I never get that painful friendship moment.
These are just a few things to think about. We all develop some kind of emotional tie with our therapists. What kind and whether it is helpful is the most important consideration. I live in the land of “trusted professional” which is how I feel about my favorite plumber, Bob. Actually I am usually happier to see Bob! Not as frustrating!
It’s easy to blur that line, I think, because we share such personal ‘stuff’ with our therapist. Things we might perhaps only share with a trusted friend and even then. Therapists are the keepers of our inner world in many ways.
I did hug my therapist – the last time I saw him – with his permission. It just felt like the right thing to do. He had helped me so much and it was my way of acknowledging him for that and also acknowledging him as a fellow human being.
I’m with you, though, many times I’d rather see my favourite plumber! hee hee.
good post, as always.
Thanks Joss. When you really think about it the ‘therapist/patient’ relationship is such an odd on. They are the keeper of our secrets and yet they are complete strangers. Peace my friend!
I think the reason it works is because they are strangers. I wouldn’t want anyone who actually knows me to know about ALL the dark shit that has rolled around in my brain. Some of it maybe, but not all of it. The very fact that I dont have to socialize with them makes it possible for me to tell them anything, no holding back.
I totally agree Casey. Another aspect that makes it easier for me to share is that it is a professional relationship that does have a legal protocal. Since trust is a hard thing for me that helps. Peace Casey.