Do you know what drives you? What you need? Do you know how to listen to yourself? Knowing yourself is the hardest thing in the world for many of us. Yet, this pursuit is so worthwhile for a happy and stable life. Especially if you come from an abusive background and deal with mental dis-ease.

Today I am hiding out in my house. To be honest the last month or so has been grueling. I realize this and am grateful that I do. In the past I would just dismiss it and keep pushing myself. I won’t lie and say that I’m not pushing myself now, but not to the extent I have in the past. Though I am pushing myself I am including self-care in to the routine.

Oh yes, that is a new one!

But today I have been hiding. This week has had a lot of ups and downs. In accepting myself and the gifts that I have I am opening myself up more. This opening up is to new people, people who have been with me forever, and new experiences. I am also opening up more emotionally. That last part, the whole emotional “thingy” is freaking draining.

When it finally occurred to me that I am in “hide in a dark room” mode today I stopped and asked myself if that is what I really want. The answer is no. What I really want it to go outside and play in dirt (aka gardening). I need to feel the cool earth and warm sun. I need to center myself and gain the balance that only the mother earth can give to her children.

Now the asking of what I want is so new. The hiding in the dark room is a total depressive move. Which is what kicked me in the behind. Again knowing yourself and paying attention to those warning signs.

With the knowledge that comes from learning to know myself I am off to play. To find that peace that I need so very much now.

My question to is this: Do you know yourself? Not the negativity that we wrap ourselves in, but the true you. Sit down with some tea, maybe a journal and get acquainted. You are going to find a truly remarkable person.