I find it interesting that people never realize the aftermath of abuse and rape. How many times have you heard someone say “It’s over. Stop thinking about it.” If it was that easy we who have experienced it would all be drinking the cool-aid.
The first part of the aftermath, no matter how the rape comes about, is a trip to your doctor. This is probably the most embarrassing moment. It was for me. While the EX demanded on condoms I wasn’t taking any chances. I adored my doctor at the time. He, yep a he, was just this great doc who would talk to you. Seriously take his time and talk to you. Having to go in to him and explain that I wanted a complete work up and then to schedule the tests was horrid. He got the idea that it was my relationship, but I shut the poor guy down when it came to pressing charges. There was just no way.
After all the tests come back, I was lucky they were all negative, you can run in to issues later. Which I did. I started showing as pre-cancerous. I have had my cervix frozen and lasered. Luckily the laser worked and I have been clean for about 7 years. That was a very frightening time.
The flip side of having a doc in which you trust your very life too is that you are sure that he and his staff hate you. I mean how couldn’t they? Obviously I was this tainted person. If you are lucky they are kind and reassuring. The whole process is one humiliation after another. You just end up wanting for all of it to go away. Unfortunately it doesn’t. Even if every test comes back clean you have the scars, physical and emotional.
This is why it is so important to get help. If you are in a position to go to the authorities do so. If not, find a good doctor and then find support. Keep yourself healthy by every means possible. If you have to look at a knowing doctor or nurse in the eye and tell them that the hand shaped bruise is from a door knob go for it. It is called self-care and is one of the hardest things on the planet for us to do.
Peace and blessings my friends.
it takes a lot of courage to bring these things out into the open and discuss them. My hat is off to you for doing this, for speaking and showing the way. Namaste, dear one.
Peace and blessing my friend!
Before my husband and I got together I went and had all the big scary tests done. I had been raped 7 times by 7 different men and had gone to the side of promiscuity in the between. I felt myself pretty worthless and did not take care of myself. I finally found someone who convinced me I was more than that….and then I was scared to death to go get those tests done…but I did it. Thank the Gods all the tests came back clean. I know how scary it can be. I wish that I had had the wits about me to go get checked out and get help when it happened.
Love and light,
Lucky
Lucky you have always done your best. Hind sight is 20/20 for a reason, because you can see everything instead of living it moment by moment. Peace and blessing my friend.
One thing I experienced was not being believed. More horribly surprising was being asked how I could allow it to happen and why didn’t I get away. I’ve learned that those I considered friends actually caused me mental harm by asking me those questions. They, fortunately, have never had the experience of rape and the powerlessness you experience with each attack. There are support groups out there but it’s hard to find the courage to reach out. It is, however, one of the greatest things I’ve done toward my healing. Own your truth, work with your truth and there is a good chance of a healthier life. I’ve also met some of the most wonderful people from this. From abuse can come good things even though we’d rather not have experienced it in the first place because nobody ever should. Much love to all survivors.
My sister you are so right. Your strength has helped so many. I can say that honestly as I am one of them. The disblief that many of us deal is one of the more harmful things to occur. You are so right on there. It compounds the feeling of isolation and guilt. I love you sister of mine. Peace and blessing!
Seconding the comment above. Also, I’m leery of just about any kindly advice starting, “Just . . . ”
If it were just that easy, don’t you think it would’ve just been done already? What’s needed are actual steps to take, not empty “justs,” and you’ve given someone an actual, important step to take on the path to healing. That’s so much more powerful and enduring than any “just . . . “
Thank you Deborah. Peace and blessings.