This week I will be in Michigan for a team meeting and I am apprehensive about it. Why? Because of a business trip a couple of years ago. Yep, a memory is kind of freaking me out.
In 2010, at the height of my depression, I went on a business trip. I didn’t want to go. Instead of saying anything of how I was feeling I went with the advice of others. Major mistake. Not their advice, but not honestly voicing how I was feeling. I was waiting for someone to tell me that I didn’t have to go. The problem is that I didn’t share how bad off I was at that moment. I was suicidal.
Upon arrival at the hotel in Chicago I had a melt down. At that time I was a vegetarian and I ordered a beef for dinner. Why? I was hoping for a nice sharp knife. I was going to end it all. Thankfully the knife didn’t come. Instead of breaking a glass and using that I collapsed on the floor crying and then slept in the middle of the bed surrounded by my computer and work papers. It was not a great trip by any means. I was lucky that I had Ali and Pete via computer to help talk me off the ledge. I hid that whole trip. It was horrible, but I did survive it.
The problem is that memory. I now get anxious when I travel for business and only for business. Rationally I know that is off, but I can’t help it. I could go up to Michigan this week seeing only family and friends being completely calm. Throw in the business aspect and I get jittery.
There is good news. I know what is causing it and I can deal with it. I am not in the same place I was two years ago. It is not the same situation. I also have a crazy arsenal of tools in my bag to pull out. Then there is the attitude. I am not afraid of stating what is going on and asking for help. That is a huge difference.
What makes you apprehensive? Is it tied to a past experience? If so, how do you deal with it?
Peace and blessings.
Lately I have been on a quest to fix the broken pieces of my life, and the only way for me to accomplish this is to face the childhood that destroyed the person that I was intended to be. At 42 years old, I am still held back by the dysfunction and pain of my past. There are things that I do not want to face, but I know that I must in order to have a happy life. Your post inspired me and I am so happy that you have found peace.
you will find support here, someone to walk with you, and cheer you on. As we put the pieces of our life together, healing comes to us and to our world. walk in beauty.
Healing comes in the most surprising ways! Peace and blessings…
thank you! Trust me it can be achieved at 42 I started at 40 and it started to click in at 42! Peace and blessings.
Mary…you are one courageous gal…i totally get that apprehension, heck, i carry it around all day…i’m amazed at your tenacity and would love to purchase that bag of tricks that you carry around, where do they sell those
keep us posted on how this trip went, i love hearing stories of determination and you sound very determined! wishing you the best!
That I am! The path to healing is one determined step at a time. Peace and blessings!
breathe dear friend, breathe! Walk strong and tall with the Goddess at your side.
Truer words have never been spoken! Peace and blessings.
You can go as you now and heal the you then. What stories you will return with!
Thank you! Peace and blessings.
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