I am struggling with the idea that the abuse in my life is tied to me. How you ask? Maybe I attract it. Or foster it once in any kind of relationship.
See I can pick out people who are abusive from the get go. You know those folks that you meet and you can practically hear then lick their chops over you? Those people are never given “close friend” status. What always trips me up are the relationships where there is no abuse until well in to the relationship/friendship. I mean how does that come about?
Right now this is what I am struggling with. What if it is me? What if I do something that causes the abuse?
BTW: I hate this. I just hate it. Feeling that I can’t trust my instincts is just messing with me so very badly.
*sigh, eyes crossed, head slap*
Peace and blessings kids.