I am struggling with the idea that the abuse in my life is tied to me. How you ask? Maybe I attract it. Or foster it once in any kind of relationship.
See I can pick out people who are abusive from the get go. You know those folks that you meet and you can practically hear then lick their chops over you? Those people are never given “close friend” status. What always trips me up are the relationships where there is no abuse until well in to the relationship/friendship. I mean how does that come about?
Right now this is what I am struggling with. What if it is me? What if I do something that causes the abuse?
BTW: I hate this. I just hate it. Feeling that I can’t trust my instincts is just messing with me so very badly.
*sigh, eyes crossed, head slap*
Peace and blessings kids.
There is no way you cause abuse! I am positive about this. I was in an abusive relationship for four years. My ex weakened me and made me the worst possible person. They make us insecure and needy, which is what fosters it. That’s not your fault. You need to get out there on your own. Be single and grow into a strong minded, independent person. Once you are that you will attract someone great. I’m speaking all from personal experience. I struggled a lot in my recovery process. That is mostly what my blog is about (if you’d like to read some, I would suggest reading more of the posts I wrote in late December and early January). I’m certainly not fully healed, nowhere near it. But I am much better then I was when I started. So it is possible to find something better. You just have to put in some hard work. Good luck and keep writing
Thank you for your kind and wise words. Peace and blessings!
You’re human, you got sucked in by that person. Now you’re smarter and yeah, it may happen again but NOT because you attract abusive people. And hey, didn’t your instincts warn you and you took action. how awesome are you. your instincts will warn you even earlier should there be a next time. It’s not about perfection, but progress. Love you.
Thank you Joss. Love you too. Great points that I need to remember. Peace and blessings.
In no way did you cause the abuse so do not put that on yourself; wipe that thought from your mind. However, you do ‘attract’ abusive people ONLY because you have not completely healed. On an unconscious level you are still familiar with that type of person so you are drawn to them as they are you (abusers always sense their victim). Now that you are healing, that you are aware, you will start to learn new coping skills, which includes finding the RIGHT people to develop relationships with. As you get healthy your relationships get healthy. You are still in the process, be gentle, it takes time. Just like after surgery, you have to take care of those wounds, they need to heal, they will itch and hurt during the process, but eventually they will heal.
Be kind to yourself, you’ve done tremendous work and survived things that would kill other people. Instead of becoming bitter, angry, hateful and vengeful you’ve decided to spread kindness in the world. That has to start with kindness for yourself. It is all a learning and healing journey — journey’s take time.
Thanks my friend! All wise words that I needed. Peace and blessings.