The worst part of fear is, well, fearing things. In my post Ewwww I discussed my discomfort with certain emotions. Let’s face it discomfort equals fear. No other way around it. So what do I fear about these emotions?
For the emotions that I deem “negative” the fear behind them is they can lead to a depressive episode. That fear is a major one for me. I never want to go back to that dark place again. That is legitimate. I mean who would want to? The problem is that I let the fear of grief, sadness, and anger become so great that it is bigger than the emotions. I am so afraid that I will not allow the emotions to occur. This results in them not passing. No emotion lasts forever.
Now don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying wallow in these emotions. What I think I do is that I repress them with everything I have. I want to be “Zen Mary” and in my head that means that they do not exist. The crazy part is that is totally against what Zen represents. The end result is that in repressing these emotions they come out at different times where it can be really inappropriate or they come out as a different emotion. Grief can come out as anger.
Last night in group I discussed this for the first time to see if anyone else had this reaction and the feed back I got was great. What I found really interesting was that the group felt that they connected with me on a different level. That is because I put the fear I feel with these emotions and sharing them aside.
Do you have anything that you fear so much that the fear is bigger than the item?
Peace and blessings.