Well there is growth people! All over the place. How do I know? If I was anymore anxious
I would just have a stroke and be done with it. When I leave the group sweating, nauseous, and then get a nose bleed I know I am on the right path to healing. The ugly and scary is up to bat!
Today we discussed why we wanted to continue group and what our goals are for the next eight weeks. I went first and explained that I wanted to learn to accept the emotions that I deem as negative. In sharing this I started on the path of hyperventilating. Always fun. Instead of trying to stifle the anxiety I acknowledged it. Did it help? Maybe a bit at the time, but after I had this voice in my head repeating “I can’t believe I said any of that”. I could feel my face flush, my stomach go hinky and the ringing in my ears. Thankfully I didn’t hyperventilate. I really hate doing that in front of people. Nothing like a complete panic attack to endear you to others.
The thing is I don’t really regret it. I need to work on this. I realize this from recent activities. One is a book that I am reading. It is written by Karen Cigna and is called The Size of My Life. In this book Karen discusses finding her voice and her recovery from Bulimia. I will do a more in-depth review of this book later, but let me say that if you have issues with food such as using it to stuff your emotions or using the control of it to control your life this is a great book. Painful, but worth it. So very very worth it. I am learning so much about myself. Things that I would love to shove in the closet, behind the outfits I used to fit in to and never look at them again. Of course, that isn’t an option.
Right now I am in a period of growth. It is time to drag all of the emotions that I hid from out in to the open. To realize that I can express all of my emotions without fear. That I have the right to do so. They are my emotions and I need to own them. It is time.
Peace and blessings my friends.