I haven’t posted about therapy lately. Okay I haven’t really posted about anything, but
let’s ignore that. One of the reasons is that I have only been going to individual appointments once a month. It’s nice to be honest. That maybe changing and by my choice.
It started with group last week. One of our members is stopping after this round of sessions. After Pavel asked if there was anyone else who wasn’t planning on continuing. That would be me. I think. See while that was my plan at the beginning of the session I find it hard to decide now. I mean it is mid series. I can’t really say how I would feel. Of course, instead of saying that I stated that I would not be continuing. I felt that I have really made progress. Which I have, but not the progress that I imagined.
First I had an individual appointment with Pavel the day after group. He took the opportunity to share with me that he felt I wasn’t as far along as I thought. Okay I admit to being a bit taken back by that, but I listened to his reasons. I object feebly in some spots. Mostly I just sat there in a state of shutting down. I let the appointment get completely away from me. Seriously. It was distressing. I haven’t been in that state for a year or more.
Driving home, after berating myself, I questioned what the hell happened. I mean I sat there giving up control and then throwing a fit over it. Really Mary? It then occurred to me that I do that a lot. I don’t know if it is that I am avoiding confrontation or what. The next step was to ask two guys in my life if they felt I was open. The responses where honest and mirrored Pavel’s.
At this point I plan on continuing group and individual therapy. I seem to have hit a plateau. It happens. Part of it is that I have a lot going on and I’m confused
as to where I am doing the right thing. Always a good time.
Peace and blessings my friends.