I keep writing posts stating that I’m back and then disappear again. Have you noticed? It
is driving me crazy. That being said this time I was sick and it is all my own doing.
This year has been rocky for me. You have read the post’s so I am sure you get that. You may have understood it before me. What I realized over the last three days is that I haven’t been taking care of myself. I have gone in to complete “mama” mode on so many fronts. On a level I knew what I was doing. I was hiding and engaging in self-harm. The self-harm isn’t in a form which is blatant, but by way of not taking care of myself. Eating the wrong stuff, not sleeping, no exercise, not writing and not sharing. Still self-harm but easier to spin.
On Monday, being home from work having called in sick, I shared with Mom that I was really considering a trip to the ER a possibility. The more I spoke about it the more I realized that I can’t be hospitalized. What would Mom and Toby do? I have too many responsibilities to not be taking care of myself. What I mean by that is that I would not recover in a hospital as I would be freaking about Mom, Toby and the rest of it.
Being sick has helped me honestly assess myself. I have a lot of work to do. The blatant issues have been attacked and now is the time for the ones I keep in the back of the closet.
Much love my friends. Peace and blessings.