Are you feeling stuck? Wondering why the issues that you are having are occurring? Asking for things to change, but they aren’t? What is holding you back? Ready?
Yup, it is that simple and so complicated. I’ve said it before, but let me repeat, Buddhism states that the root of all suffering is attachment. Let’s take a look at what that really means. How often do we stay in relationships longer than we should? What are the thoughts tied to that behavior? For me it was that I could “fix” the problem and make my abusive relationship better. I wasn’t attached to the abuse, but the fear of failing at the relationship. That I could fix it whatever caused the abuse. Reality is that my ego was mixed up in that attitude. The abuse, in my mind, was about me. In reality it was about him. Staying was about me. Continuously accepting it was about me. When I finally had enough I left, but to truly break it I moved two states away. Why? I realized that the only way to break my attachment to him was a distance. What else kept me there? Fear was the other factor. While there was fear of what would happen if I left the real fear was “what if this is the only relationship I can have”. That fear kept me tied to him far longer than the fear of physical harm or even death.
What issues are keeping us uncomfortable? One that I am currently tackling is my health. I’ve gained a LOT of weight in the last year and I hate it. I knew it was happening and, honestly, I knew why. The question is why didn’t I stop it? Why did I let it get to this point? There are several answers. All of them are attachment based and tied to the main issue. I don’t feel that I deserve to take care of myself. Maybe that isn’t all of it, but part. Fear is part of it. Fear of getting to a place where I am healthy and happy. Getting to that place means I value myself and have nothing to hide. That scares me. What happens if I no longer desire to harm myself in some way? While I no longer self-harm in ways that are obvious I do by over eating. I still fear reaching out to be happy and having it ripped away. That being said I am tackling it. I joined a gym this past weekend. I have been meeting with a trainer and even signed up for concierge service. Basically this means that this lovely woman, Ingrid, will harass the heck out of me if I am not going to the club. We are talking calls and emails. Yes, I will do everything I can to avoid that.
At different points in our life we all feel stuck. I am the queen of it! The trick is to take a deep breath and power through the fear. It isn’t easy and is very scary, but we can all do it.
Ask yourself what is hurting in your life and look at where the attachment is.
Peace and blessings my sweets!