I find myself in a strange position. Actually I think my husband probably feels the same way. We are involved in a court case which, in many ways, is a result of us being together and the changes it produced in him. Our relationship has led to him believing in himself again. Which is huge and I am so very proud of him for it. He is an incredible husband, father and over all human being.
Yep, I absolutely love this man of mine.
The position we find ourselves in is one of apologizing to each other for the actions of a third-party. We are dealing with issues with because of this. This is the reason why I disclosed my real name yesterday. I’m having a hard time with the result of the actions that brought me here.
I feel violated all over again. Due to what has occurred I have reached out to the lawyer and disclosed the details of my abusive relationship. Do I regret doing that? No, but I resent the position that put me here. I had a choice, yes, I did. I could have stayed quiet, my husband was completely okay with that. See I couldn’t do that. That wasn’t the right thing to do on any level. At least not for me. Not for the code of ethics that I live my life by. The belief of doing no harm followed by helping when you can doesn’t leave me the choice of sitting quietly off to one side. What I resent is someone trying to play us in this way. To use my past as a wedge between us. That I resent beyond belief.
I just got off the phone with my husband who called when I was crying. I explained how I was feeling and he started apologizing. After the call I sat thinking and I found myself thinking how all of this is my fault. By being in his life I caused this. The truth is that neither of us caused this. The truth is that a third-party has taken action due to not being control. Or to be exact they have taken action because his life isn’t the miserable abyss it they wanted it to be.
Well I’m done. No more taking responsibility for what isn’t mine. I fully own my response to all of this. Obviously I have some work to do on the shame I still feel in connection to the abuse. Maybe I owe this third-party a thank you for bring it to my attention. What I will not own is their actions. I’m pretty confident my husband will join me in this decision when he gets home from work.
Time for us to remember to own what is ours and to leave the rest by curb. You know, where garbage belongs.
Peace and blessings.